Mabel Gets Dragged to Hell
by Puppet String
Summary: Dipper is infuriated about Mabel choosing Stan over him, so he makes a deal with Bill to go back in time and make sure that she doesn't have to pick. Unfortuantely, the price for Bill's favor was higher than expected, and Dipper must set out to retrieve what he has lost. Warnings: OOC, very much like a crackfic.
1. The Deal

Dipper was infuriated. His sister had trusted Stan over him? How could she? How could she choose anyone else over him- her twin brother- the amazing sibling who'd sacrificed so much for her, over and over again? It wasn't fair. It was clear to him that she cared more about that crusty kitchen sponge of an uncle than she did about him.

Dipper secluded himself for days, not sleeping, barely eating. He was too upset. The author was there- they could speak- all the secrets of Gravity Falls could be revealed to him, but he didn't care anymore. He felt numb. He'd always thought he was Mabel's favorite family member.

He clenched his fists. He was gonna be right about that, no matter what.

He flipped open the journal and read the instructions. His stomach churned- he knew what he was doing was stupid, but he didn't care. No doubt something horrible would come of it, but he'd pay the price. The summoning was surprisingly easy. A nauseatingly familiar form prepared before him.

"Hey, hey, hey, kid! Didn't expect you to summon me. You've found your precious author. What's up?"

Dipper took a deep breath, not making eye contact.

"I want to make a deal."

Bill Cipher's eye lit up with interest.

"What do you have in mind? Oh-wait! Let me guess. You want...Superpowers? All of the author's knowledge? OH- maybe you're sore about your sister trusting that wrinkled old oaf over _you-_ "

"Enough! Fine! I'm mad that Mabel picked him over me. I want to go back in time and make sure that I shut the portal down before she makes the decision, but I can;t use the tape measure since I don't have one. Can you do it?"

Bill cackled excitedly.

"Sure, kid, but you know, all my services come at a price."

Dipper swallowed hard. Bill would undoubtedly steal his body or eat his flesh or make his teeth into a necklace or replace all his organs with silly string, but he didn't care. bill could kill him, so long as he died Mabel's favorite family member.

"Take whatever you want once I'm done, I don't care!"

Bill stuck out his hand. Dipper hesitated for a second, but took it. No going back.

In an instant, he was standing before the button, arm raised and ready to shut the machine down.

"Don't touch that button!" Stan cried, rushing into the room.

Not this time. Dipper slammed his hand down, closing the portal off for good. Stan could never prove his innocence now. The old man collapsed onto his knees.

"Dipper, what have you done?" Tears flowed from his wrinkled eyes. "I've worked for thirty years to get him back- now he's gone for good! I'll never see him again! My brother!"

Dipper shook his head.

"He's lying. C'mon, Mabel. C'mon, Soos. We've stopped the destruction of the universe. Let's go."

He turned on his heel and started to take his leave, walking right past Gruncle Stan without a second glance. Soos and Mabel followed more hesitantly. Mabel couldn't help but pause at Stan's side.

"Dipper...I think we just made a mistake."

Bill's voice filled the room entirely. Blue flames erupted from a pit in the center.

"YOU BET YOU DID. I'LL BE COLLECTING MY TOLL NOW, DIPPER!"

Dipper extended his arms.

"Take my body or teeth or whatever. I have what I need."

Bill snickered.

"TIME TRAVEL AIN'T EASY, KID. YOU'LL BE PAYING WITH MORE THAN THAT BRITTLE OLD MEAT PUPPET OR THOSE TEETH OF YOURS."

He seized Mabel's ankle and ripped her backward into the pit.

"Dipper!" She wailed as she was yanked into the abyss.

The pit closed up in an instant, swallowing the flames just as it had swallowed Mabel.

Dipper started at the re-sealed floor in horror.

' _Well shit that backfired._ '


	2. The Details

"Dipper, what did you do?" Stan's anger erupted. It was clear that a deal had been made with Bill, and that Dipper was the one to make it.

"I wished to go back in time so that Mabel wouldn't pick you over me." Dipper replied numbly.

"What?"

"Nothing. I made a bad choice and we have to get Mabel back." Dipper ran off to try and re-summon bill. However many times he attempted, however, Bill ignored him. He had nothing more to offer.

 _Meanwhile, in Hell:_

Mabel fell from a portal in the sky, screaming. She landed unceremoniously on the hard, burning stone ground. Bill floated before her.

"Bill!" She growled, "Where are we? Why did you bring me here?"

"Well, I think you humans call the place Hell. To me, it's just home sweet home! Anyway, I brought you here as payment for a deal I made with your brother."

"Liar! Dipper would never trade me for anything!"

"Not knowingly, he wouldn't. But he was dead set on staying your favorite, so I just didn't mention the price. Anyway, let me show you around."

He grabbed her arm and snapped his fingers. A tall, crusty, haunted-looking mansion appeared before them. He led her from room to room.

"Living room- I watch mortals in pain here. Kitchen- I feed off of the misery of mortals at the table. Also I have Taco Tuesday and Pasta Friday. Master bathroom- Don't go in here after me. Guest bathroom- you can use this one. Jiggle the handle or it won't flush. Also there's no soap. Guest room- you sleep here. Don't open the closet or you'll die. Extra blankets are in there, but I doubt you'll need them. We're in Hell, after all! And, last, but not least, my room." He shoved her through the door. "I wanted you specifically because you seem to know ho to make things that are alive not die. I have this pet hamster, you see, and even though I feed it and water it every once in a while, it dies. Real pain watching the dumb thing respawn! I even got it one of those wheels. It's powered by motor, like a spinning treadmill that won't turn off!"

A green hamster with purple eyes was stuck in the wheel, being spun around, and around, and around, and around, and around.

"His name is Amaimon," Bill continued, "And I want you to take care of him when I'm being neglectful so that when I do feel like paying attention it isn't to some not-yet-respawned demon hamster corpse."

Mabel picked it up out of the wheel.

"Ew...It looks so...Flat."

"Cintrifical force, kid. He;s been in that wheel for like three weeks ro something. I sprayed him with water once, I think."

Mabel shook her head.

"No wonder he keeps dying! You're the worst pet owner ever- you have to feed him _and_ water him daily!"

Bill cringed.

"That sounds like responsibility. Good thing I got you! Haha. No but really you're my new pet sitter."

Mabel pet the gross green hairball.

"Out of all the entities in the universe, why did you have to pick me to watch you flat hamster?"

Bill burst into tears.

"I'M SO LONELY! Every entity I've met hates me- for good reason- and I have no friends." He wheezed, wiped his eye, then continued with new disgusting tears, "You're the only little shit in the universe who's forgiving enough that I figured I might have a chance of being tolerated by. I've always wanted to talk to someone on Pasta Friday other than my flat dead demon hamster, but I have no one!" He sobbed into a tortilla.

Mabel's soft heart betrayed her. "Awe...You poor, sad, unloved triangle. I'll be your friend- and I'll help you learn to be a less shitty pet owner."

Bill sniffled. "You will?"

"Yep! But if my family comes for me, you have to let them visit. Deal?"

She held out her hand. He shook it eagerly. He'd just made the best deal of his life.

"So...Now that we're friends, tell me about you. I mean besides the fact that you're a horrible demonic beast shaped like a tortilla chip of pain."

Bill waved his arm giddily. "I'll tell you over a plate of pasta, _new best friend_!"

Mabel smiled. ' _Wow_ ,' she thought, ' _He's so pathetic and desperate. He reminds me of Dipper around Wendy._ '


	3. A Plus Plan

Dipper was out of ideas. He had no clue how to get his sister back. Where had Bill taken her?

He rubbed his chin, recalling the traumatic incident. A big, flaming pit in the floor, full of pain and undying fear, no doubt. That's it! He knew where Mabel had been taken!

Dipper raced out to find Soos.

"SOOS! I need gasoline and matches right now."

"Haha, sure, dude." Soos cooperatively gave the child dangerous, flammable substances and then wandered off. He figured Dipper knew what he was doing, and he had a window to fix, so why supervise?

Dipper took the gas and the box of matches to the bottomless pit. He knew this thing had to be good for something! It had sucked up all the stuff Stan wanted to get rid of, but had spat everyone back out. Clearly, it only took things that it could use for later.

Well, Dipper figured it could use some of what he had to offer. The ignorant twelve year old doused himself in the foul-smelling liquid, lit a match, and set himself ablaze before hopping in.

"HOLY SHIT! DIPPER!" Stan's wail rose above the roar of the flames. The poor old man who had lost so much had just seen his nephew set himself on fire and jump in. He didn't understand- Dipper had a plan. It would probably be okay-ish.

Just as Dipper had expected, the pit became a vortex of swirling flames. A bright, crimson glow and the foul scent of brimstone welcomed him as he hit the hot, stone floor. A crusty mansion stood before him. The flaming boy staggered up the steps and knocked.

Bill threw open the door irritably, plate of spaghetti in one hand and nail polish in the other.

"Who the fuck-"

He narrowed his eye unpleasantly at the sight of Dipper.

"Dammit, kid, what do you want?"

Dipper knocked the pasta out of Bill's hand in an act of hatred that was rather uncalled for.

"My sister, you putrid sphincter face."

Bill put his hands on his hips.

"Now listen here you little-"

"Bill? Is someone at the door?" Mabel ran out to see who it was. "Oh, you dropped your pasta!" She glanced outside and gasped. "Dipper! You came to visit! Oh, come in, come in! I'll show you around."

She shoved Dipper down on the pavement and rolled him around before escorting him inside. No need to stink the pace up with the smell of burning hair and roasting flesh when it so pleasantly smelled like freshly made spaghetti, right?

"I'm Bill's new petsitter," She explained as she wolfed down pasta, "And we're friends now. He said you guys can visit whenever you want!"

Dipper shrugged. Hell was pretty okay. They could watch Stan from here on pain channel 2. He was currently putting wigs on Waddles to try and fill the void the twins had left upon their gruesome departures.

"Okay, Waddles, the front of you is Mabel and the back is Dipper. When you walk forward talk about sweaters and boys and when you walk backward, scream a lot and be weak. Also, stare into this journal and sweat as much as possible."

Stan handled Waddles one of the other journals. The pig snorted and jumped out the window, head-first, chasing after a garbage truck.

"GOOD, MABEL!" Stan cried, "FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS! Dipper, keep an eye on her!"

He collapsed to his knees.

"It's not the same! Who is Mabel without Waddles?"

He whipped his wrinkled head around and saw Soos approaching the window with a screwdriver.

"Soos! You're Waddles now."

Soos chuckled.

"Alright, !"

He dropped to his hands and knees and chewed on the screwdriver.

" _It's still too different!_ "

Stan ran off in tears. He had nothing.


	4. How I Got This Hamster

****SPOILER WARNING FOR AO NO EXORCIST MANGA*****

 **Okay, fair warning administered. Proceed if you do not care about spoilers or if you are caught up.**

* * *

"Soooo...Uh...Nice place you got here." Crispy dipper pushed his spaghetti around with his fork, not quite trusting anything Bill served him.

"Thanks. I decorated it myself." He gestured to the portraits of himself lining the walls. "Pretty nice, huh?"

Mabel nodded. "Yes! But who's that?" She pointed at smaller pictures of a pink-haired boy hanging here and there.

"Still me," Bill said nonchalantly, "Just in disguise."

Dipper and Mabel exchanged a glance. "Why are you in disguise?"

Bill was silent for a moment, then shrugged. "We're pals now, so I'll let you in on a secret. I obtained my hamster illegitimately. I stole him from the demon king of space and time- Mephisto Pheles, headmaster of True Cross Academy. They hunt down and exorcise demons. Ironic, am I right? The kicker is- I'm an exorcist, too! Or, so they think. Call myself Reno Shima. I don't really do much. I hang out and read some uh...magazines...to pass the time. On that note, stay out of the trunk at the foot of my bed. Really. You don't want to see that shit yet. Anyway, the hamster. He is a demon. King of Earth, Amaimon. His half brother whooped his ass and Mephisto saved his sorry little brother by making him a hamster. I, disguised as Renzo, gained their trust. Once I got the opportunity to take the hamster while Mephisto was fucking around, which he does frequently. He left his office, didn't bring Amaimon for once, so I ran in and scooped him up and dragged him down here. I figured since he was a demon I didn't really have to feed or water him. I barely feed or water myself for anything but passing the time! But yeah I stole this other demon's hamster and he hasn't noticed yet, so when I get bored, I go pal around with that crowd. It's funny to watch them get beat up!"

"Hasn't anyone suspected you of being a loser? I mean, if all you do is read 'magazines' all day and you don't fight any demons, shouldn't they be suspicious?" Dipper wasn't buying it.

"I pretend to be afraid of bugs so I sit back like, 'Oh damn can't deal with bugs sorry it vaguely resembles a moth' and everyone is stupid so they roll with it. And to keep Mephisto off my back I pretend to spy or whatever for his dumb superiors so they think he gets work done instead of goofing off. He watches all sorts of "anime" and reads this strange illustrated books called "manga." I think the two are linked somehow."

"But why did you steal the hamster?" Mabel chimed in to the conversation.

"Because I wanted a hamster that I could neglect until I felt like playing with it and I figured a demon one was the way to go."

"He's gonna hate you."

"I know- he already does! He keeps biting my hands. By the way, Mabel, you're gonna have to train that outta him."

Dipper sighed. This was going to be a long, confusing, irritating visit.

 _Meanwhile..._

Stan couldn't take it anymore. He had no family left. Everything he loved was gone.

"Dipper had the right idea," He muttered to himself as he grabbed the gas. "It's not worth it if everything you care about's gone." He stared down into the bottomless pit. "I'm coming, kids." He doused himself in gas and held his lighter to his suit.

"Stan Pines is out."

Flames engulfed him as he leaped into the pit. Dead layers of skin and some of his weaker, fresher chest-hair that had not yet become immortal burned off. He was not surprised to see the flames of Hell rushing up to meet him. "Yep, seems about right for my lifestyle."

A crusty mansion stood proudly before him.

"Yeesh. Looks like me if I was a house."

Figuring he had nothing to lose, he knocked on the door.


	5. Rescue Mission!

The door creaked open. Stan thought he could smell spaghetti.

"Hey, I'm new around here. Is there a check-in or something?" He squinted. "Hey, I recognize you! You're that nacho I lost for nine months under my chair and then ate when i found it. Figures you'd be here with me."

Bill slapped his forehead. "I'm not a nacho, you idiot! I'm _**A POWERFUL DEMONIC ENTITY**_ and I dragged your great niece down here a few hours ago! How can you possibly not recognize me?"

Stan shrugged. "Meh. Bad with faces. Hey, wait, did you just say you had-"

"Gruncle Stan! You came to visit!" Mabel rushed to the door and pushed past Bill. "Oh, you're on fire, too." She pushed him to the ground and rolled him until the flames ceased. Her disgusting, deep-fried gruncle followed her through the door. "We made spaghetti."

Stan sniffed. "Smells like barbecue. Good barbecue- it can't be me. My meat is old and spoiled."

"That's just Dipper. He showed up burning, too."

"Oh, yeah. I saw him jump. Gave me the idea. Anyway, know where a guy can use the can round here?" Stan held his stomach, listening to the rumble. "I guess death really does relax your bowels."

"Right this way, you disgusting fleshling! Bill shoved Stan upstairs and into the guest bathroom. "Wash your hands. There's no soap, so use shampoo or toothpaste or something. Oh yeah, and don't open the medicine cabinet. Toothpaste's on the side of the sink."

* * *

 ** _Meanwhile..._**

Soos peered down into the portal, tears streaming down his cheeks as he watched Stan being swallowed by the flames. He knew where the old man had gone, and he couldn't live with himself if he didn't try to rescue him.

"Oh, man! I've got to get those dudes back. They're like, family!"

He ran home.

"Abuelita! My friends are trapped in Hell and I have to go save them! I might not make it back for dinner, but just in case, could you put some in the fridge for me?"

The old woman nodded. "Of course, Soos. Say hello to Grandpa for me."

He thought long and hard about who to recruit to save his friends. Who could stand up to a high-level demon? Suddenly, it hit him.

 **KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.**

Wendy opened the door. "Hey, Soos. What's up?"

"Mabel, Dipper, and Stan are trapped in Hell and I need your help to save them!"

Wendy's relaxed expression melted away. "Get the kart, a lighter, and as much gasoline as you can muster. We're going to Hell."

Fifteen minutes later, Wendy and Soos were driving a burning golf kart over the edge and into the bottomless pit.

* * *

"AAAAARRRUGH!" Stan ran out of the bathroom screaming. He was dolled up in some lovely makeup, steel blue eye shadow and red lipstick, along with a shade of blush that complimented his flaky old flesh. Additionally, he was covered head-to-toe in an assortment of spooky ass spiders.

Bill put his hands on his hips. "What did I tell you about opening the medicine cabinet? Now Mother's gonna beat me the next time she visits!"

Tears streamed down Stan's face, dark from being mixed with mascara. " _Help me..._ "

The kart burst through the door. Soos and Wendy jumped out, rolled around until they quit flaming, and leaped into action.

"Soos! Secure the twins! I'm going to take down Cipher!"

Wendy tackled the triangle.

"Fools! You can't defeat me. I'm a powerful demonic entity, capable of- what are you doing?"

Wendy rolled up her pantleg to the knee, revealing a layer of scratchy leg hair several inches thick. She began forcing Bill's face toward he hair.

" _Please, have mercy._ " Rears rolled down his bricks.

Wendy smiled. "Viva la resistance."

She shoved his face into the leghair, grinding back and forth along her shin, getting pieces caught in his eye. Bill could taste his own blood. The brutal attack went on for over an hour. The leghair, stronger than steel and sharper than diamonds, chipped away at Bill. The demon was dying. Soos covered the twins' eyes while Stan lay on the carpet, accepting the spiders and watching coldly. This was the sight that killed whatever bit of faith he had left in a better tomorrow. He was dead inside.

A bright light erupted as Bill exploded, fertile silt-rich sand blood flying everywhere and coating everyone in the room. The light surrounded all parties present and spaghettified them, sucking them through a wormhole. They appeared in the Mystery Shack gift shop, still covered in Bill's sand blood.

"Well, guess I'd better start another thirty years of work on that portal to retrieve my brother now that Dipper had to fuck everything up." Spider-covered Stan keyed the code into the vending machine and left down the stairs alone.

Mabel, Dipper, Soos, and Wendy shared a group hug.

"Thanks for saving us!"

"Yeah, thanks! Wendy, your leghair is amazing." Mabel admired it up-close. "Can you teach me?"

"Sure. We can begin the training for the ritual tomorrow. For tonight, we should worry about the burns, though. Dipper, anything in the journals about how to cure burns from Hell's Fire?"

Dipper thumbed through the pages, wincing painfully as the paper touched his charred flesh.

"It says we need to consume meat from one of the highest level demons."

Waddles crashed through a window.

" **CHILDREN, I AM AWARE OF THE SITUATION. I OFFER MY FLESH TO YOU IN ORDER TO RESTORE YOU TO NATURAL HEALTH.** "

He'd been an ultra-powerful demonic entity all along, disguised as a pig so he could feel the sensation of being loved!

"Waddles? You'd do that for us?" Mabel teared up a little.

" **MOSTLY FOR YOU.** "

"Awe, thank you!" She hugged him. "Alright, Soos, gran an axe!"

Twenty minutes later they were munching on delicious demon bacon, watching their burns evaporate. Dipper ran a plate down to Stan and they called it even for the whole "ruining the chances of Stan ever seeing his beloved twin again" thing.

Mabel hadn't been burned, but she sure loved the bacon. She had three plates.

"Haha, I was thinking of selling Waddles to a glue factory anyway. I only obtained him in order to test Gruncle Stan's willingness to obey me at a later date. Once he served that purpose. I didn't really need him anymore." She kicked her feet happily on her chair. "Looks like everything worked out perfectly in the end!"

Everyone shared a good laugh, except for Waddles and Bill because they were dead.

 ** _FIN_**


End file.
